To whom it may concern

this one may be a little depressing, I'm not a depressed person, I am very happy but sometimes I do get sad, & sulk in my emotions.... just like tonight.. I seem to always feel better after I write my thoughts down. I also feel like I could write my thoughts down here cause in reality no one reads these.... right? Here I go...

I have many fears, but one of my main ones is that I am gonna have doubts for the rest of my life when it comes to love & choosing to marry someone, I fear that I won't be able to over come that.. I was so sure once in my life. But that was changed. for obvious & good reasons. Or I should say God reasons. I'm still so young, & have my life to look forward too. But I can't help to have marriage on my brain. (what girl doesn't) I'm not looking for a husband, I just have marriage on the brain. The way I look at marriage probably isn't the way most people do. I have set my standards higher then ever, & it's gonna take a lot for me to consider a guy. I sometimes think my expectations are too high, but I am by no means a desperate girl so I won't be lowering them for anyone. So another one of my fears is that no one is gonna ever be able to reach them.. I know God has a perfect man for me. but I sometimes I can't grasp the thoughts of it. like someone is actually gonna be able to LOVE me for who I am?? That's crazy talk to me. Yet I am reminded that God did create me who He wanted me to be, & I can't argue with that. Psalms 139:13-18 word it perfectly:

^"13For you formed my inward parts;

you knitted me together in my mother’s womb.
¹⁴I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works;
my soul knows it very well.
¹⁵ My frame was not hidden from you,when I was being made in secret,
intricately woven in the depths of the earth.
¹⁶Your eyes saw my unformed substance;in your book were written, every one of them,
the days that were formed for me,
when as yet there was none of them.

¹⁷How precious to me are your thoughts, O God!
How vast is the sum of them!
¹⁸ If I would count them, they are more than^(X) the sand.
I awake, and I am still with you"

So, there is is. I may be weird, I may be awkward, I may be too quiet, I may be too loud. I maybe too shy, or I may be too outspoken. But whatever it is, I am not "too" anything to Jesus, I am just perfect. & hopefully one day a guy will see that in me too. But for now Jesus thinking of me in that way is just enough. I am so grateful to have a God who loves me with an everlasting love. it will never grow cold & He will never fall out of love with me. so I end with this verse as a promise to everyone of us, God has someone perfect, they may not come tomorrow, or this year but God is not too slow to bring them, hold on to this verse, He will bring someone :) :

“The Lord is not slow to fulfill his promise as some count slowness, but is patient toward you.....” 2 Peter 3:9